Are we still ok?
I know it has been a while since we last hung out, saw each other, or even talked.
I did read that last message you sent me on whatsapp…and I know that you know that I read it, and I really am sorry that I haven’t been able to reply.
Well… it isn’t really that I have not been “able” to.
Sending a quick message to a good friend is still (and should be) within my current capabilities, even though it probably seems that I am no longer capable of anything outside of mothering.
You must be wondering what has happened to me. Why our friendship seems to have changed overnight. Why everything about our friendship seems so much more complicated now. Why I can’t do something as simple as show up to a get-together on time, or take two seconds to send you a quick reply.
Didn’t we used to talk all day, every day? What happened?
We were always so honest with each other.
We always knew what REALLY went on behind our curated Instagram grids. That beneath the expertly arranged flatlays, the #blessed hashtags, and the perfectly lit selfies hid two uncertain, vulnerable, and insecure young women trying to find their places in the world.
You and me, we were supposed to figure it all out together. We were supposed to crush our #goals together.
Do you feel like I left you behind? Flaked? Went missing?
I am sorry. And I am so grateful to you, and for you. For understanding, or always trying to. Because while you are not yet a mother yourself, I feel like as you nod your head while listening to my woes, the concern and the sympathy that I see in your eyes is real. And that means everything to me.
Thank you for your patience. With my last-minute cancellations and my mood swings…I swear, those were either my pregnancy or my postpartum hormones talking. I must feel like a different person to you now. And in many ways, I admit I am.
But I also know that these are growing pains, that I will find my rhythm once more, and that soon enough, it will be just like old times.
Just like old times, but better.
Thanks girl, for being a real friend to me. We’ve been through a lot over the years…crushes, boyfriends, college, and career dilemmas. But this has got to be one of our friendship highlights–your patience with my absence.
Thanks girl, for being there for me. We may not have seen each other often over the last few months, but I have never doubted your presence or your love.
And when the time comes for it to be your turn (I can’t wait until we can share this part of life too!), know that I’ll be here or there for you too.
I’ll be wherever it is that you will need me to be as you navigate the newness of motherhood. Up close, or at a distance. Right by you, or a phone call away.
Dear friend, I really hope we’re still ok.