By: Cha Cababaro
I got knocked up early in the game so if there’s one thing I want to have a serious sit-down with my daughter for, it’s about the deed.
At tender ages, my brothers and I used to watch the American Pie franchise. If you can relate to this, you know the meat show I’m talking about. These are coming-of-age films that follow stories of a group of friends who discover more about themselves in a rather physical manner – partying, hanging out, and physical relationships aka the three-letter word.
With this exposure (and pretty much other sensitive things I can’t really talk about here), I had an idea of what sex was – a physical act involving people for pleasure. Not very kid-friendly, isn’t it?
Oh man, I wish I had talked to either of my parents for enlightenment when it came to the matter. Not only was my definition and view of sex wrong, but it was also distorted. Now a Born Again Christian, I see and respect it differently. I now know the whats and whatnots to it, its purposes and even consequences when done out of place.
We dread the day the little ones will just barf the question out. What do we do then? My girl’s not there yet, but here are some thoughts I have on D-Day. Hopefully, you can take to heart some, if not all of it, when yours arrives earlier than mine.
Tell them when they need to know.
Timing is crucial and we can’t really plot a schedule on the family calendar about this. Our clear appointment would be somewhere around the ages of 12 and 13, just when hormones start to go crazy. With today’s heavily suggestive media content, we might want to do so at a younger age, but we do not want to stir the curiosity just yet, do we? Surely, if they ask about it, or even just mention it, that’s our green light. A knowledge of the word without the proper definition could spell a different thing entirely.
Tell them what they need to know.
Deeming what’s age-appropriate for the kids, we can’t tell them about the whole thing. Aside from the awkwardness, sex is something they should only have the right idea about at a given time. What they need to know for sure is what it is and what it is not.
Sex is not a bad thing – this is a truth they must understand. But there are BUTS. First off, sex is a physical, emotional, and spiritual union between a man and a woman WITHIN the confines of marriage. Unpopular definition, but not an opinion. If we use the Bible as the basis for this, as should be the case for all things, we can find that sex is actually intended to be enjoyable, pleasurable, and life-producing between the husband and wife ONLY.
This truth could actually save our kids from investing in wrong relationships in the future – giving a part of themselves to individuals who they are just trying to find a connection with. Plus, it also preserves in their hearts the sanctity of marriage and family as perfectly designed by God untainted.
With this, they’d have an idea of when it is okay and not – hopefully, to live an uncompromising life as they ought to regardless of the pressures of the society.
We tell them.
This step probably requires the longest preparation of all as it would require relationship-building, a foundation of trust, and an environment of respect and openness. We parents should have the first word out. Sure, the curiosity spark may not come from us, but we should be the go-to for the answers. The school, the teachers, and guardians are partners in this.
It would include availability and non-judgment from our end, honesty and vulnerability from theirs. We could gear up for when the inquiry comes by being able to talk to them about anything, alongside establishing that nothing is too taboo to discuss as long as it is within the proper confines.
If we wait until we are ready – or when we think they are ready for it – chances are we could be too late. Unhealthy sex-related habits might have already formed. Bondage with other people might get them thinking that it’s too shackling to be freed from. Self-preservation and identity may be ultimately questioned.
How do we close this then? We just do it. We make our waiting productive and conducive. We hope. We pray. And by God’s grace, they’ll find themselves in the right track.
Cha is a 20-ish something Christian, solo, millennial Nanay to a soon-to-be 4-year old little girl. While working as a creative in an advertising agency, she finds time making music, travelling, and spacing out once in a while.