It is a well-known fact that kids are game-changers — for our priorities, our homes, our bank accounts, and even our love lives! It can be a bit hard to engage in a bit of sexy time even if the kids do eventually fall asleep before you, with milk drool in your shirt and poop in your bedsheets. But, for the sake of our marriage (and our happiness *wink), we shoulder on and prove that romance can and will exist in the post-kids era.
Marriage romance should adapt and evolve for it to thrive even after kids. If you’re looking at your rowdy kids and milk-stained clothes and is clueless about how to go about it, fret not because we got you mama. Here are a few easy tips to rekindle your romance:
Make date night a priority.
Yes, kids can take up most of our time but that doesn’t mean that we should let them. Family nights are good fun but that does not qualify as date nights. Set aside some time for you and your husband to go out on a date and reconnect. It can be a quick dinner and movie — enlist the grandparents or uncles and aunts to make it happen. Put it in all your calendars to make it a regular thing, and the best thing about this is they also get to bond with the kiddos. If childcare is unavailable, date night can also be a quiet dinner or snack at home while the kids are asleep. Date night can be a simple, shared adult conversation between you and your partner without either of you baby talking or changing diapers in between.
Spoil your spouse/partner, not just your kids.
Yes, kids can be needy and take up most of our attention and energy, but try to reserve some for our partner. Taking care of your partner and prioritizing his needs as well can make your marriage/relationship stronger, which can result in a stronger family and a more stable and safe environment for your kids. So investing in your “coupling” is also for the benefit for your kids. So win-win for everyone.
Keep the PDA coming.
Admit it, public displays of affection were our norm back in the days. But we simply forgot all about it when the kids came along. Perhaps because cuddling and kissing the kids became more common. Or maybe because we don’t want to gross out the kids. However, a great way to keep our relationships alive is to keep up with the physical contact — both in and out of the bedroom. It could be quick hugs after breakfast, kisses upon meeting or before parting ways, or even holding hands while out doing errands. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of PDA even in front of the kids, because it will also do them good to see what a strong marriage looks like. But do try to keep things G-rated when they’re around.
Switch from mom-mode to wife-mode.
And the same goes for dads: from dad-mode to husband-mode. Parenthood is indeed a full-time, 24/7 job, but shifting between modes can be good for our relationships. We can be strict with the kid’s bedtimes so that after that, we’re no longer parents and are instead just husbands and wives who can indulge in adult conversation.
Aside from the PDA, bring back the flirting as well. Slip him love notes, text him fun and flirty messages, leave a small surprise with his baon or work bag. Let’s inject some fun once more in our marriages and just enjoy it.
Don’t make it a competition.
Of who is the best or most tired parent, that is. Being parents is hard, no matter if we’re a mom or a dad. Instead of pointing out each other’s mistakes, work together and support each other. We’re not rivals and if one of us loses, the whole family does. So lift each other to win so the whole fam will win as well.
Be your partner’s lover, not his parent.
We sometimes complain about how our partners are our “eldest kids,” because we also have to take care of them most of the time. Well, if we want them to be the men they should be, then we should stop treating them like kids. We have to treat them as our adult partners who deserve our love and respect.
Support each other’s parenting styles.
Nothing kills romance faster than an argument over the kids or each other’s parenting styles. Parenting is tough and each person is bound to have a different style or take because everyone is raised differently. So the best way to support each other is by maintaining open communication along with lots of patience and humility.
Make love to stay in love.
And of course, lastly, keep your relationship alive even after kids by being intimate with each other and making love. Aside from being one of the best ways to stay in love, sex offers other benefits as well. Sex has been scientifically proven to help you weigh less, look younger, minimize stress, and gain confidence. Yes, it might involve a bit of pre-planning and a few tricks to keep going at it in bed after kids but isn’t it well worth the time and effort? For us, it certainly is 😉