Getting married is like buying insurance that covers for everything because as they say: through thick and thin, and in sickness and in health. It’s like having a guarantee for the rest of your life that someone will always have your back, no matter what. But, what if that marriage is also the same reason why you’re feeling lonely? Will you terminate it or find a better way to make it better again?
Loneliness In Marriage
Loneliness can be defined as sadness or the feeling of isolation. In marriage, loneliness happens when two people can no longer connect physically, emotionally, and even mentally.
According to Dr. Wendy Walsh, the author of The 30-Day Love Detox, “some marriages fall into an autopilot pattern,” she also added that “partners no longer court each other or exchange the care that they did in the early days, and they become more concerned with selfish interests.”
The feeling of being lonely in a marriage isn’t abrupt. It starts with your gut; it’s silent, which means that it can creep into your marriage without you seeing any symptoms, especially when you’re not looking hard.
Signs That You Are Lonely In Your Marriage
You’re Not As Intimate
When was the last time that the two of you were physically intimate? If you can’t remember, that’s a telling sign that there is something wrong in your relationship. While it may not immediately mean that you are lonely in your marriage, it’s an excellent question to ask yourself.
There are a lot of reasons why you two may not have been intimate in a while, it could be because your work schedules don’t match, or you have limited privacy because of the kids. However, the lack of intimacy breeds problem, which can lead to loneliness.
You No Longer Talk About Things
If the two of you no longer talk about your day, no matter how routinary it is, it could be a sign that your communication channel isn’t working as it should be. Most healthy married couples talk about their day and could just get lost in the conversation. If this has not happened to you and your partner recently, then there could be a problem.
Your Partner Doesn’t Ask You To Do Anything
You should be the first person that your partner talks to when they need help. If they are more comfortable doing things on their own rather than talking to you like what they would typically do in the past, then there definitely is a problem. Try to check whether you’re the problem and if you’re doing something wrong.
You No Longer Celebrate Special Days
If your partner remembers your child’s homework or the meeting they need to attend the following week but consistently forgets about your special day, it could mean that they no longer value you which can make you feel lonely and isolated.
What To Do When This Happens
Just like anything else, prevention is always better than cure. So when you start seeing the aforementioned signs, then it’s better to nip them right off the bud.
Communication is the cure for everything in life, especially in marriage. Once you see the signs and you feel it in your gut, talk to your partner about the problem and try to work things out.
It sounds easy, but it can be challenging to do, especially when you’re hurting. Just always remember to communicate with the intent to listen. By talking with one another, you can find the source and address it accurately, so that it never happens again.
Rekindle That Spark
If you’re willing to make things work, you can start to rekindle that spark. If you see your husband having a problem with something, ask him if he needs help. If you see your wife having a hard time with the kids, give her some few minutes to herself. Try and do a small random act of kindness with one another.
Do the things you were doing before you even got married, re-watch your wedding video, or revisit your old photos together. These things bring back that spark and make you more hopeful of a better future for your marriage.
Give Your Partner A Break
Giving them a break may sound counter-intuitive, but it can be effective. Give them a break in a way that you don’t rely on them for every intimacy you need in your life. They can’t fill all the roles in your life. They can’t be your best friend, your business partner, your mentor, your financial adviser, and every other role you need. They can’t do it all for you, and that’s the truth.
Find ways on how you can get these roles filled by other people in your life. This makes you have lesser expectations from them, takes the pressure off, and makes them more self-confident about their role in your life.
Loneliness in marriage can lead to a lot of things, including illnesses like depression or even alcoholism. Don’t let it get the best of you; start communicating with your partner and try to work things out even before it comes out of hand.